Beauty in the Pain
by bellakitse
Summary: She almost wasn’t surprised when she heard a rough bang at her front door late at night and for a moment wondered what it would be like to have the emotional strength to ignore it. Secret-santa exchange story.


A/N: Hope you like it, Natfudge. It's not really a song fic but the title and some of the parts in italics are from the song 'Beauty from the Pain' By the Superchic[k].

A/N: Thanks to my lovely beta as always, you rock girl!!

Disclaimer: I don't own the song or _Glee_.

Warning Finn/Rachel, Puck/Quinn mentions.

~*~

Beauty from the Pain

_The lights go out all around me_

_One last candle to keep out the night_

_And then the darkness surrounds me_

She almost wasn't surprised when she heard a rough bang at her front door late at night and for a moment wondered what it would be like to have the emotional strength to ignore it. To let him tire himself out and for once since this emotional rollercoaster from hell started, if she could just shut him out. Just this once, she would turn her back on him, be the strong person everyone thinks she was and resist him. She tried to convince herself as she made her way down the stairs to the door that the only reason she was about to let him in was because, even though her father was out of town, if he would get any louder, the neighbors were going to wake up and call the cops.

She opened the door and the second unsurprising thing of the night was the fact that Noah Puckerman who was leaning on her doorframe was beyond wasted. If his staggering and glazed-over eyes weren't a dead giveaway, then the small puddle around one of her daddy's potted plants let her know the score. Vomit. This night was going to be stellar.

"Hey, Berry," His words were naturally slurred but the alcohol had not diluted his appeal because his leer had her flushed with heat. Even though she didn't see his truck, she was compelled to ask if he had been reckless enough to drive himself over.

"No, Berry, I had one of those safety ride tweebs drop me off a few houses down," He answered as he stumbled inside her home not even bothering to ask for an invitation. "Had to make sure they didn't know I was coming to the house of the Queen of Gleeks."

Rachel didn't even bother reacting outwardly to his remark. Puck wasn't the nicest guy on a regular day, so really, how unsurprising was the fact that he was a mean drunk? Walking forward she wrapped an arm around the football player's large frame before he did a face-plant against her hardwood floor and slowly helped him up the stairs that led to her bedroom. It took them a while; Puck was heavy on his feet and seemed to have decided that now was the time for his brand of foreplay.

"You've been thinking about me, Berry? I have… about earlier today in the back of the auditorium, your legs around me as I rode you hard, while your precious Finn was up in the front talking to Quinn's stomach." He whispered harshly into her ear pressing her roughly against the door of her bedroom. "You would think that finding out the kid was mine would have ended the 'it' couple. They're together right now most likely going over baby books and you and I are here, with you panting in my ear while creaming in your tank top and pair of panties."

Rachel closed her eyes to keep the tears that threaten to spill over, the hurt starting deep from within her belly, just like her arousal, as he pressed his thigh against her core and rubbed against her. His words were callous and true, despite Finn's initial reaction, he hadn't left the pretty blonde like she had hoped. No, when push came to shove, he still had chosen Quinn over her. That was where this whole wreck had started, pain and anger mixed inside both of them like an open wound that wouldn't heal. The people they had wanted didn't want them and they had turned to each other.

Her first time hadn't been the magical moment with the sweet, slightly awkward boy she had always thought it would be with. Instead, it had ended up being with the broken boy before her, someone who was hurting as much as she was, the one person who knew better than anyone what it felt not to be enough for the person you thought you should be with. She could still remember how she had broken down when he had felt her after their first time. It was in that moment that she had realized that not only did she need to let go of her 'Finn and Rachel' fairytale for good but that she had just started something that would bring her heartache.

_And all that's left is to accept that it's over_

_My dreams ran like sand_

_through the fist that I made_

Her sixth sense had not failed her.

She opened her eyes, catching a look that closely resembled remorse cross Puck's face before being replaced with a look of challenge; ignoring both, she pushed him off her to open the door of her room. Leading him to her bed, she pushed at his shoulders, letting him fall back on it. Kneeling before him she went to work on his sneakers, taking them and his socks off before starting in on his belt and jeans, struggling with them when he wasn't much help in removing them himself and finally getting his shirt off, leaving him in his boxers. All the while, he said nothing and just looked at her with the same look she always caught him giving Quinn's stomach. Getting up, she walked over to her room's bathroom; and, as she opened her cabinet to get some aspirin, she took a moment, gripping the pristine white basin tightly until her knuckles where white themselves and willed herself not lose it, not to cry, not to go out there and beg him to let the pain go, to let her love him, to love _her_, just her. Breathing deeply, she closed the cabinet and found herself staring into his hazel-green eyes through the mirror as he crowded her door frame again. Taking in her expression, he remained silent and walked on sturdier feet until he was pressed against her back. He took the pills from her hand and turned on the water to fill his glass. He let the running water wash over his hand before trailing it over her arm, drawing shapes over her skin, watching as she closed her eyes at his touch.

"Are you thinking about him when you close your eyes?" He asked, watching her brow pucker. "He doesn't want you, Rachel."

"Do you?" She asked finally, opening her eyes knowing he wouldn't bother to answer and actually show that he cared about her.

He turned her around, dragging her flimsy camisole clear and over her head, leaving her only in her underwear. She watched through clouded eyes as his hands descended to her waist. He pushed her up on the vanity countertop, making sure she was sitting on it, her legs dangling at his sides as he stood between them. "I want…" He whispered, letting his hand move over her chest. "….this."

Circling her nipples, he turned them into hard peaks before lowering his mouth over her, lapping at her as his hand trailed lower, playing with the elastic of her panties. Pushing it to the side, he parted her nether lips and stroked her clit, humming in approval as he found her wet and ready for him. She gasped as he plunged one finger inside of her. Letting go of her breast, he pulled back enough to watch her expression as he touched her, caressed her with his thumb. Bringing her to the brink, he enjoyed the feeling of her muscles starting to clench around his finger, knowing that soon she would be wrapped around another part of him.

He stopped, leaving her tense and half out of her mind; it was moments like this that she had convinced herself that she didn't have feelings for him at all, that she in fact hated him. He could do what he wanted and she'd let him as long as he kept touching her. The conceited smirk he was throwing her way, led her to believe that he could read her better than she liked. Hooping his fingers around her panties, he gave a sharp tug and continued grinning at her. He was always ruining them and taking them as keepsakes.

He took her hand and pressed it low on his stomach, letting go, he waited for her next move. Lifting her legs, she used her feet to drag his boxers, letting them fall before she wrapped her hand around him, stroking him to attention. A low moan worked out of him, she was much better at this now; the first time he had her jerk him off, she had been clumsy and nervous. She was anything but nervous now. He stopped her hand before she could finish him off. Pressing against her, he moved his head over her wetness.

_I try to keep warm but I just grow colder_

"Is this what you want, Berry?" He asked, sinking an inch of himself before pulling out and once again running his cock over her, making sure he grazed her clit with each pass. "Is this were you want me?"

She buckled against him, panting roughly when he dipped inside her once more and pulled out.

"Do you think about him when I touch you?" He gave her one full hard trust and pulled out once again causing her to sob out that she only thought of him. Satisfied, he pressed once more, this time continuing thrust after thrust. He touched something deep inside her. Closing her legs high on his waist, she held on. His eyes focused on hers, their breath mingling together when he laid his forehead against her as he pushed hard and more erratically in her, both racing to the end. She crushed her lips over his, muffing out her shout when he gave a very hard plunge, finishing together. Pulling away from her, he grabbed a hand towel and cleaned himself before pulling up his boxer and once again leaving her alone in the bathroom.

Still sitting on the countertop, she tipped her head back, letting it rest behind her. As she stared at her ceiling, she finally let the tears fall silently down her cheeks. Whether she cried for herself or for Puck, she wasn't sure. The last couple of months seemed to get harder with each passing day. Noah's bitterness and helplessness at being kept away from the chance of being a father filled him with such resentment that he seemed to want to take out on everyone, her in particular, and she let him, each and every time because, somewhere along the way, she had fallen for the sullen boy who gave her pleasure and heartbreak with every word, touch and look.

_My whole world is the pain inside me_

Letting her tears dry, she went about cleaning herself up, taking her time to wash her face and dry it, all the while staring at herself in the mirror but never really seeing. Finally when she felt she was ready, she walked back into her bedroom, ignoring the boy that was lying on her bed as she walked over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts to cover her bottom half.

"I don't think about Finn when I'm with you." She said quietly and waited a long pause before he answered.

"I don't think about Quinn when I'm with you."

Walking over to the bed, she laid next to him on her side to face him. Listening as the reasons for tonight poured out him, his latest fight with Quinn about his place in his baby's life which wasn't any place at all. The drinking that followed at some party, the girl he had made out it at the party (that had hurt deeply as she listened) and how he had stopped it and came to her.

"I'm fucked, Rachel, I come here because you're the only one that understand but I hurt you and I wish I could promise I won't do it again, but we both know I will, I'm not a nice guy, I'll just keep pushing until you're as fucked up as I am."

Rachel laughed a sad laugh, knowing she already was. Leaning in, she pressed her lips to his chastely. "You're not a nice guy and maybe you'll never be, we are a wreck together but we're worse alone. This right here is painful but it can also be beautiful Noah if we just let it."

He sighed but didn't pull away from her; instead, he pulled her closer, gripping her tight. "I'll screw it up."

"Maybe," She answered moving even closer to him, kissed him once more and laid her head on his chest, saying nothing else. There was nothing else needed to be said. He would mess up, she would, too. They would hurt each other time and time again, not because they want to but because they had the power to. The tears weren't over by a long shot but it didn't matter. For once, after all the doubts, she had hope and that was enough.

_After I've cried my last,_

_There'll be beauty from pain. _

_Thought it won't be today,_

_Someday I'll hope again_

_And there'll be beauty from pain._

She was half asleep when she felt his lips brush over her forehead and whispered a 'Maybe' that sounded like a promise.

_This night's been so long_

_I cling to your promise_

_There will be a dawn_

"Maybe."

_You will bring beauty from my pain_

It was enough.

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